McJournal Entry for 10/15/93

Dear Diary,
Has it been over a week since I wrote here last? I wonder how often most people make entries into their treasured diaries. I suppose as long as I need to express myself, and I have this as a medium, then it is often enough.

I could hardly concentrate today at school. My mind is still reeling over two facts. One, that I've now been able to remember parts of a dream after the accident that took my parents from me. The other is what I do and don't remember from that dream. I certainly recall not being alone, now. I was with someone special to me.
I believe that this person had red hair and the eeriest light-colored and reflective eyes. Still, what bothers me is that those details are all I can recall from her personal appearance.

I say "her" because I do recall a soft, very feminine voice say, "I love you, Xander." "Xander" is yet another mystery. Who is this Xander? Maybe I didn't quite catch the name, or the phrase entirely. With the other confused or missing details, I cannot be sure at all.

One thing is certain: I am haunted by the possibilities involved. So much so that the romantic idea has manifested itself as a song to me. I cannot get a feeling for the melody yet, so it may just stay as a poem, instead. So, here it is, collected from scraps of notes that came to me in pieces, as the dream itself seemed to.


"The Woman of My Dreams"

When the darkness falls
And the Sandman calls
I don't feel myself drifting away.
I see her there
With love to share
And then she's taken away.

When I wake up from my sleep,
Her loving arms aren't mine to keep.
I forget her every day.
Why must I dream about her?
Why can't I ever love her?
Why must Love hurt me this way?

She's the woman of my dreams.
The one I can't love
When I'm awake.
She's the woman of my dreams.
Love her at night,
Forget her when I wake.

I try to find her in the day,
I can't seem to know her this way,
I can only remember her at night.
It's bad enough not remembering my dreams.
It gets so bad that all I can do is scream!
All I know is I can't seem to win this fight.

Do you know what I'd give today
To know her and love her in the day
And not have to wait for moonlight.
How can I live without her?
Why can I only dream about her?
Why must I wait until night?

She's the woman of my dreams.
The one I can't love
When I'm awake.
She's the woman of my dreams.
Love her at night,
Forget her when I wake.

And then one night I saw her again.
I just couldn't believe it when
She came running to me.
I ran towards her, like in a race
To see who would be the first to embrace.
This was a dream I didn't want to leave.

I prayed that night her love I'd keep.
So forever I shall sleep.
In heavenly arms, I died in my sleep.

She's the woman of my dreams.
The one I couldn't love
When I was awake.
She's the woman of my dreams.
I'll love her forever
For never again will I wake.